#12 Failed

Finally i had voice out to end up this relationship..
but I failed to maintain..
I know I still have feeling..
I don't want give up this relationship..
so I trapped in again..

#11 Error

I told you going to Melacca is the only chances I can test you..
but I guess you were forget about it..
I blame myself why so being honest to let you know at first..
but you not even want to act to me..
you just walk and talk with them..
like we are just hi bye friend..

And you went to Indonesia again..
with him..
you tell me so many couple never go to travel together before..
yes, indeed i shouldn't jealous..
but did you ever saw good friend went travel alone..
some more so many days?

Yes, I have to understand again..
I need to understand that this tickets you brought last year..
so I got no right to jealous or what..
your promises to him is still valid..
how about my promises? ignored?

why in this relationship I have to self understand so much?
I need to understand we got a far distance..
I need to understand your friends just that two..
I need to understand you can go out alone with both of them..
I need to understand you willing to spend money on them rather then save it for me..

Last time I used to argue with you..
tell you and remind you..
but now I don't think I got such patient anymore..
I rather silent..
what you like to do just go ahead..
maybe this is what you want?
maybe this peaceful you would more prefer?
so I just silent..

Wherever you want to go, just go..
the respond you gave me is I keep lock your freedom..
but actually I ain't..
whatever.. I won't explain anymore..
and of course I won't care anymore..

Please do not regret what you choose..

#10 Selfish

In this kind of relationship..
what I can feel is only one word >> SELFISH..
you are such a selfish and coward person..
you can enjoy with the way you like..
want to go out alone with your best friends..
alone until late night..
you can go so far just for sing k or movie..
you can go chitchat with people until forget me..

when the story turn back..
when I say I want to do back all the things u did to me to you..
you say I speak very harsh..
you say I don't care your feelings..
you are too over, don't you?

people already doubt with you both relationship..
but you say its normal..
you both are friends..
but now not only me suspect but even your friends and his friends also suspected..
so you can say it's nothing?
is that the way you treat your partner with this kind of attitude?
then you can treat your friends with that kind of attitude?

the more you explain, honestly I don't feel its an explaination..
but I feel you are using the other things to cover this topic..
so every times we argue, we actually argue for the same things..
yes, I choose to forgive and forget about it..
but when the things keep repeat don't you feel it's too over?
you never want to face the fact..
for you you can say normal but when I say I doing it to you you say I harsh..
I not love you anymore, I don't care anymore..
logic?

Yes, I forgive you again..
but the problem actually have solve it?
no.. you just ask me to accept that friends..
believe with you are nothing..
so only I can change for you?
why don't you change for me?
so we actually just wait and see when we gonna argue for the same things again..

Honestly I don't feel any love from you already..
I just feel you want to hold me with a reason behind..
definitely is not love..but I don't know what is the reason..
maybe time will let me know the answer..
too over..
I'm the one who in a relationship with you..
but I'm sharing the same things you brought for us..
but not only for me..

One day if you we really break up..
please don't blame me not appreciate you or I always argue with you..
and don't blame me suddenly good and suddenly cold to you..
bare in mind how's the way you treat me all the while..
bare in mind how you please me to be together with you..
bare in mind you please you begging but just for fun..
bare in mind I did voice out the problem but you choose to ignore..

I guess I will be the one who is going to dump by you in one day..
because you can immediately choose who you love because you did balance for both..
but remember how you play this relationship just for your own good..
I'm sorry but I gotta say if it's real..
I curse you can't find your true love forever..

#9 Innocent

How good if this world have no people cheating each other..
everybody is being honest with everyone..
when they dislike, they tell them they dislike..
when they don't love, they they them they not love anymore..
how perfect the world is..

Recently I realized that too many people treating each other like a fool..
all people live in a place without any secure..
full of thief..
full with lies..
just because of their own good..
selfish, possessive, never think about people's feelings..

Everyone stay around you is not your friends, but enemy..
they finding alternative to trap you..
they want to see you lose..
when you lose, they will gain satisfaction and happiness..
but you gain hurt because you choose to believe..

I never like to think too much when I met my friends..
I want friends because I couldn't be independents..
I need someone to rely..
especially someone that I believe the most..
but why you want to hurt me like this?

I rely on you am I wrong?
I put all my faith to you am I wrong?
why?
I just wanna stay a good relationship on you..
I just wanna you love me only..
I just want the love you send only I can receive because it's a precious love..
why it can be so hard for you?

#8 Request/Denied

Suddenly i have a though in my mind..
I was thinking I wanna end up this relationship..
no matter how I going to cry soon..
no matter how I going to struggle back soon..
no matter how I going to regret soon..
but at least it's really better for me now..

If I'm important enough for you..
you will listen to me..
I was doing all for your own good..
I ask you to sleep early..
I ask you to make a habit for yourself which before sleep after sms me then throw away all your phone don't reply any single shit and go sleep well..
I ask you to give more time to me..
is that a problem for you or my advices harm you?

You don't do it because there's a reason behind..
You don't want to sleep early you say you want to accompany me..
but when I not reply you will u come find me again?
no, you won't..
you just will continue chit-chat with other friends..
so this consider accompany me?

I ask you to make a good habit..
you refused because you will only tell him you wanna sleep or whatsoever..
I ask you to give me more time..
you said you give me more then enough..
but actually when you reply me you did reply him as well..
so this consider give me "more" time?
or actually me and him get the equal time from you?

I really wonder how fake is the world..
why all this kind of fake person must come into peaceful world and make it complicated..
before I met you..
before I enter this society..
I really got a peaceful place over here..
but after I stepped in..
and after I in a relationship with you..
all things changed..
and you even make me feel scare and unsafe in this peaceful place..
all I want just to escape from this place..

If you love me..
it won't be like this..
If I am really important enough for you..
I won't be like this..
You know everything you can do..
but you just refused to do..
because you want to change a better me..

Is that a problem for me to rely on you?
why I can't have a live a life that I fully rely on you?
but you have to ask me need to be more independents..
why?
why everything I request..
you denied?

#7 Dilemma

Sometimes I trapped in a dilemma situation..
I understand everyone have their freedom to friend with anyone they prefer..
even that person you hate the most is close with your partner..
yet you still can't do anything but can jealous yourself..
just because of "freedom"..

I understand you love me..
I understand you appreciate the friendship between you both..
yet I hardly accept this fact..
I scare he will fight with me..
because I have no confident to you..
because you are just too softhearted..
or I shall put the faith on you?

You tell me you dislike to say "I love you" or send love symbol to me..
because it seem too fake when you have no feelings..
but you can send to anyone in Facebook wisely as you like..
even in "we chat" before sleep you will send many kind of love shape to him..
but I got nothing in sometimes..

so actually who am I for you?
a partner you love but you not dare to voice it out?
so who is him to you?
a friend you appreciate and can keep voice it out?

You tell me you are just like a wood..
not sensitive to anything..
but I had already voice it out to you..
yet you still just let it be..
I really don't understand..
I don' understand who am I to you..

A question which can never have answer..

#6 Short-term separate

Finally I voice it out..
voice out that we should separate for a while to calm down ourselves..
I know there are much unwillingness for both of us..
but I still think that it's the only way can let you and me calm down..
to think about our problem..
our relationship should or should not be continue..

I don't know how's your feelings..
but I'm really feel calm over here..
I don't know tomorrow I still will calm like this or not..
at least..
I realized that I shouldn't too rely on you..
I shouldn't always stick with you..
I should be more independents and live better for myself..
that's what you always want me to do..
but..
it's a kind of separate methods in advance..
maybe I should practice from now on?

During this few days I hope you can really think clearly..
am I the only one that you wish to treasure and appreciate the most?
the life without me will make you feel empty and sad?
if let's say you still can pass your day happily..
which mean I'm nothing inside your heart..
although you always say you love me..
you miss me..
but do you?
only you knows about that..

there are so many substitution goods around you..
it make you can have the many choice to choose which one you really need..
but it also makes you confuse who you really need..
I really wish you be honest to yourself..
tell me who you really need in your life..

There are always a reason why I not believe with you..
don't have any confident to you..
last time you tell me that you don't like him anymore..
just not used to it with the feeling that suddenly lost him..
but when I see the conversation between you both..
I still remember how you ensure to tell you love him..
what's the point to create two stories to two person?
so why I should believe with you again?
I wonder am I became the "him" now?
I doubt with the way you love me..

Yesterday I saw a person post something in his wall..
I pretty agree that if you love a person definitely that person will know it..
that person will have the loved feelings around..
but I quite pity that I only have it when I request for it..
Yes, I'm repeating the same things..
people teach you one times.. twice.. third times..
actually already reached the limits..
love is depends on how you show your appreciation to the person you love..
doesn't a lesson to learn how to love a person..

Yes..
I'm tired already..
please allows us to separate for a while..
let both of us have time to consider carefully..
if this short-term break make you fall in love to another person..
don't blame me not appreciate you..
because I'm the one that not be appreciated by you..

Our future..
only one person know..
that's our God..