#6 Short-term separate

Finally I voice it out..
voice out that we should separate for a while to calm down ourselves..
I know there are much unwillingness for both of us..
but I still think that it's the only way can let you and me calm down..
to think about our problem..
our relationship should or should not be continue..

I don't know how's your feelings..
but I'm really feel calm over here..
I don't know tomorrow I still will calm like this or not..
at least..
I realized that I shouldn't too rely on you..
I shouldn't always stick with you..
I should be more independents and live better for myself..
that's what you always want me to do..
but..
it's a kind of separate methods in advance..
maybe I should practice from now on?

During this few days I hope you can really think clearly..
am I the only one that you wish to treasure and appreciate the most?
the life without me will make you feel empty and sad?
if let's say you still can pass your day happily..
which mean I'm nothing inside your heart..
although you always say you love me..
you miss me..
but do you?
only you knows about that..

there are so many substitution goods around you..
it make you can have the many choice to choose which one you really need..
but it also makes you confuse who you really need..
I really wish you be honest to yourself..
tell me who you really need in your life..

There are always a reason why I not believe with you..
don't have any confident to you..
last time you tell me that you don't like him anymore..
just not used to it with the feeling that suddenly lost him..
but when I see the conversation between you both..
I still remember how you ensure to tell you love him..
what's the point to create two stories to two person?
so why I should believe with you again?
I wonder am I became the "him" now?
I doubt with the way you love me..

Yesterday I saw a person post something in his wall..
I pretty agree that if you love a person definitely that person will know it..
that person will have the loved feelings around..
but I quite pity that I only have it when I request for it..
Yes, I'm repeating the same things..
people teach you one times.. twice.. third times..
actually already reached the limits..
love is depends on how you show your appreciation to the person you love..
doesn't a lesson to learn how to love a person..

Yes..
I'm tired already..
please allows us to separate for a while..
let both of us have time to consider carefully..
if this short-term break make you fall in love to another person..
don't blame me not appreciate you..
because I'm the one that not be appreciated by you..

Our future..
only one person know..
that's our God.. 

#5 Christmas present

Honestly I was quite disappointed with the Christmas present you want to send to me..
about one week ago before Christmas you already preparing the present..
yet today you still unable to complete it..
I understand you used to do things slow..
but can you prepare more earlier or do it faster?



Do you understand what is so called " Christmas gift"?
of course must be during Christmas period..
boxing day already passes..
so what's the meaning for the gift?
should I consider it a belated Christmas gift?

Throw back something you already promise me long time ago..
you say you will make a birthday card for me..
One more month will be my next birthday..
so are you going to do it 2 in 1?
or my 22th birthday only can receive my 21th birthday card while my 22th birthday card I will only receive when i turn to 23th?

and a book that I brought to you and request you to do a memory book for me..
yet few times of quarrel you tell me you already doing it..
in fact you never start any single thing..

You tell me you need many time to think the idea..
but it seem over limit already..
you need a year of time to do a card?
okies I try to understand..
but how come people present you can prepare and give them on time?
and why you can give them so much until I jealous them?

I'm your partner and in a relationship with you..
but I need to wait all your friends get the gift form you first only I can get it..
it make sense?
you don't want to do my gift..
you say you have no money..
and you keep delay it..
but you can go to play with friends and spend money with them..
and you rather do nothing at home instead of do my gift..

you say you have your freedom..
but too bad your freedom need payoffs..
and the payoff is I have to keep waiting for you..
and come back to here..
you know I don't like to wait..

I always say you are selfish..
you like to do your things without consider people's feelings..
then here comes back you tell me you need to consider this and consider that whenever you need to do anything..
you say you are stress enough..
but do you know?
I didn't make this stress for you..
You stress because your attitude..

Worth or not worth?

#4 Get drunk

Today went to some place to have a drink..
although at first we just planning to steamboat..
but at the end we still went to a place like pub..
have a nice talk and drink some beer..

When they trying to trap me to voice out something..
actually I do wish to voice it all out..
all unsatisfied inside my heart I really wish to voice it out..
the feelings that keep all things alone yet cannot solve it really suffer..
that moment I just wish to voice it out to see any better solution to my own relationship or not..
maybe some of their opinion can make my relationship better?
I wonder..

But yet I manage to control..
I just laugh and make all things pass by like that..
this feelings really sucks..

I drink carefully to make myself not to get drunk..
I drink carefully so that no one of them can trap me..
I drink carefully to cover my sadness inside..
I was wondering so shouldn't I drink since I unhappy?
because the main point for people to drink is to relax..
yet I unhappy at all?

I don't know..
really don't know why I still hold it since I not happy..
am I awaiting something?
or really worth for me to hold it?
I wonder..

#3 Worth?

Suppose today is a happy day for everyone of us..
those who single and available can enjoy the day with friends..
those who in a relationship can enjoy this special day with partner..
or enjoying the things that partner specially prepare for them..
everyone smile, laugh, happy, crazy for this special day..
I have the same feelings too..
but no one know how's the lonely feelings inside my heart..

I await you to accompany me in this special period..
you went to celebrate with your friend alone..
I know it's impossible for you to come here to accompany since you said it's very costly for you to visits to me..
but at least a accompany via phone?
I got nothing..

I says : The things you did to me you always feel too much for your limits, but the things you do for your friend you will always feel not enough. It's fair for me?
X replied : I already do my best for you, I treat them not as good as I treated you. Things cannot be compared like this.

I was wondering..
am I really expect and want too much from you?
or you just really want me without appreciate me?

A question that I always ask myself..
Worth it or not?
I really don't know should I hold it or give it all up?
I been struggled form over a year with the same problem..
yet..
nothing change better..

#2 飞鸟

曾经有一只无拘无束的飞鸟..
不理会世界的一切..
自由自在的在天空翱翔..
但，有一天..
终究放弃了那样的生活..
选择了那无门渺小的笼子..

它坚持那样的生活..
即使主人对它忽冷忽热..
深信有一天会得到注意..
日复一日，年复一年..
于是它飞出了鸟笼..
看了一看外面的世界..

在一个机缘巧合下..
它飞进了一个新的森林..
找到了一颗独一无二的大树..
这个大树让它感觉到了温暖..
可惜它久久不能忘记鸟笼的生活..
坚持每天来回两个地方..

大树很不开心..
于是用一条一条的藤蔓把自己绑起来..
飞鸟没有地方可以停留..
伤心地飞走了..

但飞鸟不知道其实大树在心的部位挖了一个洞..
挖了一个想鸟笼一样的洞让飞鸟住进去..

依然忽冷忽热的鸟笼让飞鸟绝望..
飞向了这棵大树..
其实，大树真的得到了吗?

飞鸟的本性根本不属于任何一片地..
每个地方也只不过是它休息的地方..
或许是鸟笼和大树太认真看待它的停留..

属于蓝天的飞鸟..
尽情地去翱翔吧..
你，不属于任何一片地..
何况曾为你掏心的大树?

#1 Reborn

Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person

If you choose to live in your past..
carry on with thousand loads that keep pull you down..
you are not stupid but lonely..
because you got no one can helps you..

but if have somebody keep remind you and keep protect you from hurt..
you are stupid enough..
and it's time for you to reborn..
and live a new life that you never have before..

Stay Strong..
nothing can beat you down..